Where have I been for the last Year?

I have been wandering in the valley of death, with fear. It started about this time last year Nov. 07 to be exact, when I got a call from my son, Wade. He needed my help. He has battled alcoholism and depression for years and was now drinking again and needed help. It was constant listening, praying and trying to encourage and down right fear for months. The fear ended March 9th with a call that he had taken his life. He was 47, a very handsome and very a successfull business man, with a beautifull wife and three great sons, ages 17, 20 and 22. I loved -no - love him so much. And since March til now I have wondered: why I paint? do I ever want to paint again? Why should I paint when I have a house and studio stuffed with unsold paintings ? I think I recieved an answer today. I need to paint - it is where my joy lies.